 Boys on the street in Kabul (c. 1975). | John Lennon once stated, “How you spend your days is how you spend your life.” Every thought in your head will ultimately turn into a choice, and every choice, in turn, evolves into action. Pretty much, every moment makes up who we are as individuals. Connect this with your daily life: Have you ever stayed silent about an issue/conflict when you should have spoken up or intervened? Have you ever witnessed a conflict, and though you knew it was wrong, you chose to stay out of it? Why? What were the repercussions of your choice to stay silent? (Please leave out all names.) |
Part One Expectations (respond to the prompt above): 200-250 words, minimal errors in grammar and usage, thoughtful and thorough writing. Please use the assigned "pen name" given to you in class as your nom de plume. DUE: Friday night at midnight (11/20)! ADD WORD COUNT AT BOTTOM OF POST
37 Comments
Jaah
11/17/2020 01:23:57 pm
In life sometimes there are many moments where there will be intense situations where we may not always feel comfortable speaking out. I for one have definitely gone through this before. Most times I am silent because I am relatively a quiet person and would not want to get attacked by speaking out. It is not always the right thing to do, to stay silent, but sometimes it can be the safest option. But staying silent can also negatively impact the outcome as well. But there are some times where you do need to speak out for what is right. In a situation where I was silent was when girls on the school bus were making fun of another girl. She cried and someone went to her and comforted her. Another boy actually stood up to the girls and told them to be quiet. I partly stayed silent because I didn't want to possibly be attacked by those girls and start crying as well. I just wanted to stay to myself and go home. Staying silent was definitely not a great thing to do because that conveys to everyone that I may support what the girls were saying when truly that is not at all what I support. I have learned from staying silent. I know when it is better to step in and when it is better to stay silent. It is always better to stand up and speak out for something you believe in.
Pazir
11/17/2020 02:09:46 pm
I totally agree with you Jaah. I understand that you value that you should always speak up and help someone who may be getting bullied, but sometimes it is better to just stay out of it so you do not get hurt yourself. When you talk about the multiple girls bullying the one girl and saying how you did not want to interfere because you might get bullied instead and start crying, I understand what you are coming from because how are you supposed to stand up for someone when the opposition is greater in numbers. I also totally agree with how you are the quiet type. I also love to stay silent and do my own thing, so I understand what you are coming from.
Azfaar
11/17/2020 04:59:45 pm
I agree with you. I too am more introverted so it is also sometimes hard for me to speak up. It is uncomfortable but it is important to stand up and speak out for things you believe in. When it comes to bullying, standing up for another person is especially hard because sticking up for them could mean putting a target on your own back. I agree that not doing anything can make it seem like you are in support of the bully. This can also make the victim feel as if no one cares about them. In these types of situations having empathy is crucial. Helping the victim can also give a sense of satisfaction that you did something that made a positive change. Additionally I feel as if when a conflict is physical it is sometimes better to tell someone of power rather than intervening directly. Word count-150
Zarak
11/18/2020 12:50:16 pm
I agree with you Jaah. I think that sometimes in certain situations, staying silent is the best option to not cause a bigger problem/argument and to not get yourself hurt. Although staying silent can sometimes be the safest option, I agree that in some cases it can also cause a negative impact such as defending someone. As an introverted person, I understand that it is not always easy to speak up for someone but it can make you feel better about yourself for trying to help someone out and for that person aswell to make them feel that they are not alone. Word count: 103
Bahnam
11/20/2020 01:04:49 pm
I agree with you Jaah. Sometimes it’s just really hard to speak up especially when you feel scared or don’t want to get hurt. However, in my opinion being a bystander is just as bad as the bully because you see what is going on and you choose to ignore it which you said before has a very negative effect on everyone. Standing up for yourself and others is a life-long skill that everyone needs and I am glad that this incident made you a more proactive person. As someone who has been bullied and been the bystander before, both situations make you feel bad which is why it is so important to speak up for yourself and others.
Pazir
11/17/2020 01:24:42 pm
Yes, I admit that there was a time where I had stood silent where I should not have. It was in one of my classes where most of the students were making fun of this one kid and I did not know what to do so I stood silent. But who could blame me, what was I supposed to do when it was me against the whole class.
Pazir
11/17/2020 01:28:41 pm
Word count-246
Jaah
11/17/2020 01:37:13 pm
Yes, Pazir I strongly relate to your view on staying silent. I truly believe in helping people and lending a helping hand just like you said, but sometimes there are times where the odds are against us. I understand staying silent to decrease the chance of having to get involved in a much bigger and intense situation. I definitely agree with how it depends on each situation where I stand up and say something. Like you said if there are 10 kids beating someone up I would probably not intervene or probably go and get other people to help. If there were less people then I would definitely speak up and say something. I also like that Hamilton reference :)
Pazir
11/17/2020 02:00:03 pm
Also its "talk less, smile more" * my bad.
Asadi
11/18/2020 11:46:03 am
I totally agree with you, Pazir. I wouldn't want to interfere if it meant it was out of my way to protect myself. I think you did the right thing. I am also a "speak less and smile more" person, I rather not state my opinion because many people could be against it. I agree with staying silent depending on the situation. If there was a whole classroom against my opinionated views and no one there to defend me knowing it would cause something bigger than just an argument, I would stay silent as well. I do not blame you for staying silent, I would just try to comfort the person that was getting bullied after the whole situation as well, letting them know that they always have someone to turn to.
Bahnam
11/20/2020 01:12:09 pm
I have been in the same situation as you Pazir where I’ve stayed quiet, but I disagree that there are times you need to be silent. I personally would stand up for anyone including myself even if there was a big crowd against us because I absolutely detest bullying and things that are unjust. Like even if I also get beat up in your hypothetical situation, I’d rather get beat up than do nothing. If I did absolutely nothing like not even call for help or inform an adult about the situation I would feel very guilty. When someone is being isolated by a group and being bullied, that person needs as much support as possible even if it’s just one person on their side they won’t feel like they’re alone.
Shahmeer
11/22/2020 08:10:19 pm
I agree that people sometimes prioritize their personal safety over the safety of others. If there is a fight, physical or verbal, between two or more strangers, I obviously wouldn't intervene. My involvement would lead to more conflict because I have no context or background on why the fight began in the first place. However in certain cases, to "speak less and smile more" can translate to "silence is compliance". For example, if you are an active witness (meaning you know the situation and the context of the conflict), and/or have the power to defend the victim, but choose not to, you are agreeing with the person causing harm. In this case it is, in my opinion, it's unacceptable behavior to "speak less and smile more" because you are causing just as much harm to the victim as the bully by staying silent.
Bahnam
11/17/2020 01:35:28 pm
I usually do not stay silent about an issue or conflict because I absolutely hate conflict and like resolving issues quickly and maturely. However, one time as a kid, a woman was being racist and very passive-aggressive towards my mother and I did not do anything. At the time, I was young and too scared to speak up because that woman was an adult and my mother also did not know English well. The woman being an English speaking adult that spoke in a condensing tone that intimidated me a lot which prompted me to not do anything. My choice of being silent enabled my mother to be ridiculed by an adult we did not personally know. This moment created a very tense situation that made me anxious. Additionally, I could feel my mother’s humiliation and confusion which made me feel worse. After the incident, my mother was quiet and didn’t speak about it even though it must’ve hurt her. Although my mother has probably forgotten this specific incident, I still feel kind of bad about it because I should’ve said something at the time. This specific incident along with many others like this prompted me to not stay silent on issues or conflicts that need intervention and made me a more proactive person.
Pazir
11/17/2020 02:19:41 pm
I totally agree with what you are saying. You say how usually you do not let conflicts happen and tend to speak out whenever you see one, which I agree with a lot. But, what I also like about your post is that you show how in a time in your life where you were not able to speak up and stand for the people around you. This I think can resemble a lot of people who choose not to speak up when conflict is around them because of what the situation is. Like for example in your post you talk about how you did not decide to speak up because the woman was an adult, and the tone of voice that she used. This shows how people may choose to not speak up because of those certain things like age, tone, future violence, scaredness, etc.
Jaah
11/17/2020 02:34:02 pm
Yes Bahnam, I completely understand why you felt the need to stay silent especially in a situation like that. I think most of us can relate to a time when we felt so small and intimidated by another person. You talked about how the person was older and used such an intimidating voice. I can also see how that event influenced you to be more vocal about conflicts that can diminish a person's sense of well being. I really like and appreciate how you took this negative event that happened and now use it to motivate you to speak up and do what is right. I think that this shows a very good quality about your character and should be something that everyone tries to have.
Azfaar
11/17/2020 05:08:44 pm
I understand what you mean Bahnam. I know how it feels to have foreign parents and want to protect them. As a kid speaking up for things is very hard especially when it includes adults. You feel as if your voice will not be heard or you will not be taken seriously because you are young. Because of this we witnessed a lot of things that we wanted to speak up for but could not because we did not know how to. I admire how you did not let this altercation affect the way you stand up for important matters. Word count-102
Asadi
11/18/2020 12:10:29 pm
Hey Bahnam, first off, I'm sorry that had happened to your mother, some people are so disgusting to insult others that way. I understand where you're coming from without wanting to interfere, you were little, what can a little kid say to a grown adult and get away with it without sounding "rude"? I admire you for feeling the sympathy for your mom, most kids wouldn't really know how to react nor what to say. I am also glad that this incident has opened your eyes for standing up for more people, we need more people like that.
Zarak
11/18/2020 12:35:16 pm
I completely understand what you mean and it is something that many people still face today. I have also gone through a similar situation like this with my mother and a woman who had a very rude attitude with her and I felt bad for not defending her but I know that being in a situation like this with that lady’s aggressive behavior can be tough and a scary position to speak up. I am glad though that this incident has made a positive impact on you to not stay silent on issues and have made you a more proactive person. Word count: 101
Shahmeer
11/17/2020 02:23:21 pm
There was one, significant instance in my life when I chose silence over speaking up during a conflict. I was elementary school at the time, and though the conflict was childish, it taught me a good lesson afterwards. I was standing in line in the cafeteria during lunch, and was standing alongside a group of girls gossiping about my friend. However, my friend was near me in line and could overhear and see the girls gossiping while I stood there, saying completely silent. I stood next to the girls, watching them gossip about my friend, completely silent and unaware of my friends feelings. I thought it was best for me not to say anything. I couldn't think of anything that wouldn't result in me being on the girl's next character in their gossip circle. At the time I was very naive and unaware of my friend's feelings, so I was shocked when she took me outside of the cafeteria to explain the hurt she felt hearing those girls talk about her, and to my surprise, the anger she felt towards me. I couldn't understand how I hurt her if I didn't mock her like those girls did. By being silent I was causing just as much harm, or even more to the friend, as those girls gossiping about her. I don't remember if I apologized to my friend, or not after that day, but I do know we never had the same relationship again.
Shahmeer
11/22/2020 07:39:04 pm
Word Count: 244
Tashfeen
11/22/2020 11:30:40 pm
I understand why your friend may have felt hurt and somewhat betrayed, but I don't understand why they decide to get upset with you for not standing up for them especially when they didn’t even attempt to stand up for themself. My final question is, why was staying silent worse than standing up for your friend? Was it because you valued the relationship that you had with said friend so much that you were willing to be gossiped about? Also, I am genuinely interested in your story and would like to have a better understanding, and by no means am I looking to pick a fight with you.
Azfaar
11/17/2020 04:34:49 pm
The thoughts in our head do lead to the choices and actions we make. Those thoughts with age and maturity can change, in turn changing the way we are perceived as individuals. In the past, a time I stayed silent when I should have spoken up is when I was on the bus and an older upperclassman made a joke about her grandfather referring to black people as “colored”. I knew what she said felt wrong but I did not know why and would not be able to put into words why. I also did not speak up because I was the minority and did not want all the attention to be on me without anyone to back me up. Staying out of the conflict made me feel uncomfortable. I wanted to educate them but I was not educated enough to do so. My facial expressions on the other hand could not be restrained. She must have noticed the distaste on my face because she got bright red and was silent for the rest of the ride. The repercussion of me not verbally saying something made me feel like I was letting down my race as well as letting others think it was ok to disrespect it. Since then I’ve learned to speak up on matters that are important even if it makes me uncomfortable and makes me look difficult. Word count-232
Zemar
11/17/2020 06:04:01 pm
I completely understand what you're saying Azfaar. I'm at times more of an introvert and because of that I probably also wouldn't have spoken up for the same reason, even if I thought I should. I also have in common with you how sometimes my facial expression gives away what I'm thinking when for some reason I just can’t use words. I understand why you would feel that the repercussions of your actions were letting down your race, I’m sure any others in the same situation would have felt the same as you did/do looking back. It’s good that you learned and this opens my mind to other things like this that might have happened in my life.
Shahmeer
11/22/2020 08:26:41 pm
I totally understand what you feel. There has been too many times I have heard someone make a racist, homophobic, sexist remark. I would know that it was wrong, but never know how to explain to that person why it was offensive, especially if they were older. Fountranly, like Zemar, my face would express my emotions and complex thoughts perfectly. At that moment, you said you felt like you were letting your own race down, I understand that feeling and have felt it many times before. Don't feel guilty, because you are not and should not be a single representative for an entire race, and not take the sole responsibility of educating every person that makes an offensive remark. By giving that person a dirty look, which is not the best solution, can be enough to probably guilt trip them and make them notice what they have said is wrong.
Zemar
11/17/2020 05:36:40 pm
I don't recall a time that I might’ve stayed silent about an issue/conflict when I should've spoken up. Maybe I’m just thinking about it too dramatically but I think I’ve spoken up when I saw something that needed to be spoken about and I had the ability to do so. I have witnessed a conflict I knew was wrong but chose to stay out of it, because one it was between people I didn’t know, so me coming in their business wouldn’t be right. And second, it was between two older adults at a family event and I still didn’t feel that it was my place to speak on it. There are certain situations where I do agree that you should speak out on things that you see happening, but at the same time, it depends on the situation. I think it’s important to be aware of what could happen due to you speaking up/out. Will it make the situation any better? Will it cause you problems of your own? Is it really beneficial to speak out on this one issue you see between other people? What would be the cons of you dropping it and staying in your own place/lane/business? I don’t think there were any repercussions of my choice to stay silent in those situations. It was probably better that I was quiet when it came to the two adults I knew that had a conflict because speaking could have caused problems.
Painda
11/23/2020 12:40:09 pm
Zemar I agree with what you said about speaking up during certain situations. I can relate to having no experience with a conflict or issue involving other people where I shouldv’e stepped in but stayed silent. Zemar you made a good point about staying out of something that doesn’t involve you. I agree because when a third party comes into a situation it doesn’t always help, it usually makes the whole situation worst. I think people should use there own judgement when deciding to speak up or stay quiet. If the situation will lead to any harm to any parties then personally I would get involved or ask someone for guidance on how to deal with that situation.
Dadvar
11/17/2020 09:20:13 pm
When I look at this prompt, it brings me back to lessons on standing up for what's right and not being a bystander, but interestingly enough I don’t recall any situation where I have stood by and let something happen whilst I should have spoken up. I think that I don’t put myself into those types of situations or even get around people who would get me involved in a bad situation. I think that when a situation presented itself when there was conflict I have tried to calm things down. However, I think that “should” in this situation is up for interpretation, specifically on what people “should” speak up about; I don’t think me getting involved in random fights where I know nothing about the conflict is benefiting anyone. I think that at times minding your business is what you have to do to not be caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. I don’t think life is always going to be a scene from a movie where someone has to step in to stop the bully, so if I add in the idea of casual issues and conflict ( casual racism) then I think there have been times where I brushed things off and just didn't say anything; so things could be less awkward or I didn't seem dramatic or annoying. In the present I reflect on those times and try to keep problematic people out of my life in general so that if I am in a situation with conflict I feel comfortable speaking up, but either way I think I am confident enough to speak up when people are being trash.
Asadi
11/18/2020 11:38:42 am
I have stayed silent about many situations that I regret staying silent about. For example, there was a time in middle school, I witnessed the most sexist thing in that time of my life. I, being a female, had gotten late to class with another classmate, being a male. My teacher at the time (who was also female) had asked the male student for a tardy slip and had told me to take my seat. The teacher was already known as a racist and a sexist, so he had no hesitation to call her out for being discriminative towards him just because he is male. He was then sent out for stating his opinion because, just like you are probably thinking, the other students knew he was right, and she couldn't handle that pressure. As the male student was walking out of the classroom in disbelief, everyone could see the embarrassment on the teacher's face because she now knew that all of her other students were aware of her views when it comes to sexism and racism. I chose to stay out of this and not speak up because I was too uneducated as to why those were her views, and why she wasn't afraid to express them, she was of higher power than me, with me just being a student and her being a teacher, I was afraid of what she could do in her position. I do wish I had stood up for him, even though it was something small, and in middle school, I wish I could have shown that teacher that we are all human, no matter our race, gender, sexual orientation, religion or looks.
Zarak
11/18/2020 12:13:25 pm
A time in my life where I should have spoken up and intervened was a long time ago, back in Hartford, at my old middle school when a girl from my class would always get picked on by the way she was as a person and the way she dressed. I remember in health class many students would make fun of her and would try to create arguments with her just to see her get very upset many times that she would storm out of the classroom. I was a quiet person at the time. I did not stand up for her and tell the other group of students that they should not bully her when I should have. I knew I was wrong and I chose to stay silent because as the quiet person I was, I was afraid of how they would have responded back to me and I did not want to run the risk of also possibly getting hurt. Through this process I learned that we should be more united and loving towards one another and stand up for people. We should always show everyone kindness and respect one another and not allow people to mistreat others.
Tashfeen
11/20/2020 03:15:11 pm
In elementary school my older sister used to get bullied by all the upperclassmen. They used to call her “mad-links” and ask me “how does it feel to have a sister who was crazy?” Every time they would ask me these questions, I would get the strong urge to stand up for her and tell them about themselves, but when it came down to actually standing up for her I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to stand up for the one person I admired even though there were many opportunities to do so.
Zemar
11/29/2020 02:08:23 pm
I agree with you Tashfeen when you say that being in the spotlight makes you anxious. I used to be the exact same, and still am at times. For me I think that comes from the idea of being/feeling powerless. Usually there isn't just one person bullying someone else, and even if it is, they have all their other people around them backing them up and encouraging it. And when your a person that doesn’t like being in the spotlight, the only thing or possibility that might come to mind is to keep your head down, stay quiet, don't look at them, don't say anything. It’s unfortunate that bullies have silently instilled the fear into some kids to not even look at what's going on because oftentimes just making eye contact with the bully for a split second gets you pulled into the situation as well. And now not only were you struggling to get the confidence to speak up about or for someone else, you have to double that in the moment and speak up for yourself.
Azoom
11/21/2020 06:38:18 pm
I’ve never witnessed a conflict or issue that I’d needed to speak up or do something about in my life so far. Any conflict I have witnessed was minor and quickly dealt with. While I haven’t experienced that, I do believe that when we see certain issues the right thing to do is to speak out about it or get help if we don’t feel comfortable involving ourselves in the conflict. However, I understand that sometimes help isn't available and sometimes an issue is beyond our own power. For one’s own safety it is sometimes better to avoid getting involved. Say a kid is being bullied in your class by five other students. If you are completely alone and don’t think anyone will help you, you probably won’t intervene. But this is a situation where you could get help from an adult to stop the conflict but still keep yourself safe. The decision to involve yourself in a conflict or issue is extremely situational. Many factors will play into the choices we make from our personalities, the setting, and the conflict itself. Ultimately, I believe that standing up and doing something about an issue is the right thing to do. However, it may not always be the wise thing to do.
Firash
11/21/2020 07:03:39 pm
Tashfeen
11/23/2020 12:09:28 am
Firash, I agree with you that the main reason why people decide against speaking up is that they have a hard time differentiating between when it is the right and wrong time to intervene in a situation. As a child, I would attempt to speak up when I would hear adults arguing, but my father would always tell me that I needed to stay in a child’s place. As a result of this, I’ve had a hard time understanding when or why I should speak up for people. I too, in the near future, intend to stand up for people without overthinking the results of my action.
Azoom
11/23/2020 08:12:11 pm
I think a lot of people decide not to intervene in certain situations because of the possible repercussions or consequences. I don’t think that is necessarily wrong. It’s in our nature as people to preserve ourselves above all else. Although this kind of thinking may not be the right way of thinking, it may sometimes be the wiser choice. Like you said, sometimes a situation is bigger than you and it may be better to not get involved. The choice to intervene is based heavily upon more than a few factors as you said. Not knowing the outcome of your choice is the scariest thing for most people, so it's easy to understand why some may not involve themselves in a conflict even if they should.
Painda
11/22/2020 11:59:12 pm
As a child, I never thought that I could voice my opinion. I always felt that my voice didn’t impact any situation of someone being picked on in class so I admit to staying silent. When I was younger I had a racial issue occur, I knew it was wrong but I was young and didn’t really know what to say. It happened when someone was riding a bike while yelling racial slurs at my mom and I as we were driving home. I was young and didn’t really know what to say in a situation like that especially because we were in a car so I stayed silent. I don’t think there were any repercussions in that specific situation. Reflecting on that situation made me realize that as I get older and mature I should stand up against racism because I do have a voice and I should use it. I think a lot of people hesitate to speak up not because they don’t want to but because they don’t always know what to say or they’re afraid of the repercussions from their opinions. I now know that if I have something to say I should say it because my voice is a tool that can impact a lot of people in positive ways when there is a conflict.
Azoom
11/23/2020 08:04:36 pm
I think a lot of people struggle with speaking up because of their age. When you're a kid you don’t really think you have a right to speak up because you’re just that, a kid. Kids are often encouraged to stay quiet when they see issues happening because they aren’t old enough to understand or because it’s something that people believe and adults should be handling. But I think not speaking up against issues is even a struggle for teens and or young adults. We are often told by our elders that we don’t know enough to form opinions on world issues or we don’t have enough life experience to understand. But as you said, using the voice you have can result in incredible outcomes. Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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